“Dear Kitchen Loiterers”
This is an open letter to all family, friends, and spouses of food bloggers.
Dear Kitchen Loiterers,
I love you. I really do. But there is something you need to know, something you need to do for me. Stop coming into my kitchen while I’m working. Don’t hang around waiting to snatch a freshly baked cookie. Don’t try and sneak a little batter from the bowl. Don’t ask what is in this recipe I just made that has 20 ingredients you know you’ve never heard of. Don’t peak your head in and say, “What smells so good? Do I get some? When will it be ready?” Just go away.
Don’t decide to make a sandwich suddenly while I am in the middle of baking a twelve-layer cake with four fillings and two frostings. That counter space is mine. I need it. Go away.
There’s a reason I made four tarts. I need the four for photographing. No. You can’t have one. You can’t have one bite. You can’t even smell it. Go away.
Oh, you need a drink of water from the fridge? Nope. Go put your cup under the god damn sink in the bathroom. Water is water. Now, go away.
You have a request for me? I don’t think so. I know we haven’t had chocolate pudding pie in a long time but i just made you spicy chocolate chip cookies, a triple chocolate cake, a chocolate and almond tart, chocolate chocolate chip ice cream, white chocolate mouse, and a chocolate-dipped fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich, all in the last week. So no, I’m not going to make you a chocolate pudding pie. I’m working here. Go away.
And now is definitely not the time for you to want to learn a few kitchen tricks. You want to learn something new? Read my blog. Now, go away.
This is my kitchen. It is my office. It is my sanctuary. I love you. I really do. But I need you to do something for me. I need you step back. Nope. One more. Keep going. Are you out of the kitchen yet? Yes? Good. Stay there.
We’re food bloggers. Our kitchens are our laboratories. Conditions must be perfect. There must be silence. A rogue wandering hand looking for a snack can set off a carefully constructed equilibrium. There are soufflés to deflate, sponges to disrupt, rising dough to make fall, custards to clump, batters to overmix, and carefully composed flavors to ruin when you loiter. So don’t come into my kitchen while I’m working.
Your Food Blogging Friend, Spouse or Family Member